For Laughs

You Might be Addicted to Ham Radio if…

1. When you look at a full moon and wonder how much antenna gain you would need.

2. When a friend gets a ride from you and remarks that you have a lot of CBs in your vehicle, it turns in to an hour long rant on how ham radio is not CB radio.

3. When someone asks for directions, you pause, wondering if long or short pathwould be best.

4. When you can look at a globe and be able to point to your antipode (and you know what an antipode is).

5. Your cell phone ring tone is a Morse code message of some kind.

6. You have accidentally said your Amateur Radio call sign at the end of a telephone conversation.

7. Your favorite vacation spots are always on mountain tops.

8. You notice more antennas than road signs while driving your car.

9. You have driven onto the shoulder of the road while looking at an antenna.

10. Porcupines appear to be fascinated with your car.

11. If you ever tried to figure out the operating frequency of your microwave oven.

12. When you look around your bedroom of wall-to-wall ham gear and ask: Why am I still single?

13. The local city council doesn't like you.

14. You actually think towers look pretty.

15. Your family doesn't have a clue what to get you for Christmas, even after you tell them.

16. Your HF amplifier puts out more power than the local AM radio station.

17. The wife and kids are away for the night and the first thing that goes through your head is that no one will bother you while you call "CQ DX" a few hundred times.

18. When you pull into a donut shop and the cops there on their coffee break ask if they can see your radio setup.

19. You refer to your children as your “Harmonics”.

20. Your girlfriend or wife asks: "You're going to spend $XXXX onwhat???

21. When you see a house with a metal roof, and your only thought is what a great ground plane that would be.

22. You have pictures of your radio equipment as wallpaper on your computer’s desktop.

23. Every family vacation includes a stop at a Ham radio store.

24. The first question you ask the new car dealer is: "What is the alternator’s current output"?

25. You buy a brand new car based on the radio mounting locations and antenna mounting possibilities.

26. You have tapped outMorse code on your car’s horn.

27. A lightning storm takes out a new Laptop, Plasma TV, and DVD Recorder, but all you care about is if your radios are okay.

28. Your wife has had to ride in the back seat because you had radio equipment in the front seat.
29. Your wife was excited when you were talking about achieving that critical angle, but very disappointed when you finally did.
30. During a love making session with your wife, you stop to answer a call on the radio.
31. Your wife threatens you with divorce when you tell her that you are going on a “fox” hunt.
32. Talking about male and female connectors makes you feel excited.
33. You dream of big, comfortable, knobs, but not on women.
34. You always park on the top floor of the deck, just in case you might have to wait in the car later.
35. When house hunting, you look for the best room for a radio shack and scan the property for possible tower placement.
36. When house hunting, you give your realtor topographical maps showing local elevations.
37. The real estate agent scratches his head when you ask if the soil conductivity is high, medium, or low.
38. You have Ham radio magazines in the bathroom.
39. When your doorbell rings, you immediately shut down the amplifier.
40. Fermentation never enters your mind when “homebrew” is mentioned.
41. Instead of just saying no, you have said “negative”.
42. You have used a person’s name to indicate acknowledgement.
43. You become impatient waiting for the latest AES catalog to arrive.
44. You have found yourself whistling "CQ" usingMorse code.
45. You always schedule the third weekend in May for vacation.
46. You walk carefully in your back yard to avoid being close-lined.
47. You have deep anxiety or panic attacks during high winds or heavy ice.
48. You and the FedEx/UPS men are on a first name basis.
49. You really start to miss people that you've never seen.
50. Your exercise machine is a Morse code keyer.
51. You walk through the plumbing section at the hardware store and see antenna parts.
52. Your neighbors thought you were nuts when you ripped up your lawn to bury chickenwire.
53. Your next door neighbor thinks that your wife is a widow.
54. Your wife has delivered meals to your Ham shack.
55. If you sold all your Ham radio equipment, you could pay off your mortgage.

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